Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Schizophrenic African Woman

I sit here wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Why do I hate who I am? Why do I have these bouts of insecurity, of feeling inadequate; of just feeling yucky being me? Frankly I am just tired. I am tired of self-hate. I am a fantastic person, I am brilliant and one day I will take over the world.
I know this, I just need to feel it. I just need to feel good about being stuck in this body. Its not like anything is gonna change about my appearance. My big butt will never go, my teeth will still be crooked unless I get lots of money to fix them, my accent....well that is to stay.

I would just like to know who put these stupid ideas that I am not enough in my head.

Is it me? (Well, "me", I officially dump your negative ass for a more positive "super me")
Is it stupid magazines and movies?(Have you seen the layers of makeup they put on those wrinkly, pimply and blotchy buggers? Why would you want that?)
Is it my mother? (Look mum, I am so much better looking than you so just get used to seeing a younger version of you having fun and get off my back!)
Is it my friends?(Wow, jealous friends. You should also get used to the idea that I am very talented and very beautiful. Stop pointing out my flaws in an effort to get me to hate myself. Its not going to work anymore. I am so not at your level.)
Is it my stupid boss who feels that a guy can do my job better than me?(Two words: Fuck you you incompetent fool...sorry, those are 5 words, but I'm sure you know the most important are the first two).
Is it my colleagues who think that just cause I am black I am not as beautiful as someone with a lighter complexion? (Screw you bitch-You know very well that once your guy tastes this dark chocolate he wont want your yucky toffee.)

I have decided to be schizophrenic. Anything they say, Super me will kick their butts.I just turned 29 and I aint spending the rest of my life feeling the way I have since I was born. Its the kind of stuff horror movies are made from.

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